You Don't Need No Stinking Guide

I know, I know. You don't need no stinking Guide for the Coming Ice Age. You don't care that the folks in marketing have called it the definitive guide. You have your own plan for averting the impending doom of an ice age:

1. Refuse all bags at the grocery story and the mall. Surely this will slow down climatic doom till after you are dead and buried. Plus, you don't really need bags. Proof? You have been shopping at Costco for eons. All you need is a good, sturdy cart. Plastic or metal? That's easy! The plastic is not nearly as cold to the touch--and a shopping cart would never end up in the landfill like a silly plastic bag or water bottle...
2. Learn to cook with zucchini. Sure, zucchini are nature's most disgusting food and taste like paper when left to their own devices. But zucchini are the rabbits of the plant world--reproducing with wild abandon. If you can grow one, you will grow a million and find yourself feeding an entire tribe for the winter. With zucchini you could even eat through the long, dark winter of the coming ice age!
3. Purchase an island get away. As soon as the ice age threatens to descend, jump on the first available flight to Hawaii. Bring a shopping cart full of zucchinis and you will undoubtedly be welcomed with open arms by the locals, who will be more than happy to share their water, rum and sunscreen.

This guide isn't for you, you've got it going on! It's for yokels.

Like me. People who read Animal Farm at an impressionable age, know for sure that some pigs are more equal than others, and worry that we'll need one heck of a leg up when Napoleon takes over the glacier.

Perhaps, if you are feeling smart and generous, you can let the rest of us know the secret to surviving the long, dark winter ahead?