Ready, Set, Survive!

In the event of an ice age, the first thing I would pack is Gortex. Lots and lots of Gortex.

Hunger, thirst and danger I can live with. But not damp. Or cold. So, I'll confess: I already have a few bolts of Gortex stored in the closet, ready to run with me when the glaciers descend from Mount Rainier.

Sometimes I wonder whether we'll have electricity for sewing, and if not, whether there is some special hand-stitch that will ensure sealed edges on this fabric. Truly, I dream about this from time to time.

And since it's time for true confessions, let me say, I believe my Gortex will be the most hotly contested item in my will when I die, like Methusala, at the age of seven hundred and three.

What about you, what's the first thing you would pack in the event of an ice age?

I know. It's unlikely you have an answer to this crazy question. But think about it. Seriously.

BUSINESS-AS-USUAL THINKING
When I asked the smartest woman I know what one technology she'd take in the event of an ice age, she instantly said her cell phone. "The grid will probably be down," I said. "It won't work once your battery dies." She thought about it for a moment and said, "I'll take extra batteries." It could work. At least she'll be able to order in for pizza and bottled water.

When answering the very first Inner Neanderthal Survey question, over 50% of you said you'd to take an airplane to Mazatlan or Hawaii in the event of an instant ice age. The staff at the Marriott could be waiting with open arms for the mad flow of refugees, I suppose.

Really, if you answered that way, you're not alone. I recently discovered a little book by David de Rothschild (kind of sounds like he could buy a solution to climate change, eh?) called The Live Earth Global Warming Survival Handbook.

When I opened it up to check out the "77 Essential Skills to Stop Climate Change--or Live Through It" I found shocking advice. Shocking! "Green your ride," it says.

Are you kidding me? I may be the only person on Earth who remembers the pre-Katrina gas lines and traffic jams, but I'm sure that your Prius, if it's able to 4-wheel it across ice and through floods, will eventually need gas before you arrive at your equatorial destination. And fossil fuels (not to mention roads) are going to be hard to come by.

In fact, every manufactured product that relies on extensive infrastructure for distribution is going to be bottlenecked in its place of origin. (For real survival advice, check out 98.6 Degrees: The Art of Keeping Your Ass Alive by Cody Lunden instead.)

VICTIMS OF OUR BRAINS
We are ALL thinking that tomorrow will be just like today in the most fundamental ways. Even if tomorrow happens to come with an ice age or a flood or a drought or a fight to the death for the last drop of clean, fresh drinking water.

It's the most natural thing in the world. It's actually how the human brain works.

First, we are completely bounded by the limits of our imagination. And it's really, really hard to imagine an ice age, much less an instant ice age descending with speed and violence (to borrow a phrase from Fred Pearce, whose book, With Speed and Violence: Why Scientists Fear Tipping Points in Climate Change, is totally worth a look-see).

And second, our brains have the best auto pilot technology on the planet. It keeps us from actually thinking about breathing, blinking, sex...all the elements of survival. We are like just like the fish, who, as they say, don't know they live in water until they're flopping around on the dock.

The mission here at Inner Neanderthal is to support you in addressing these two barriers. Why?

First, because I care. And more important: it's only when we can imagine together what will really change about our lives that we will be able to really change our lives.

A NEWLY PURCHASED WEAPON
I was terribly inspired by the individual who responded to the First Inner Neanderthal Survey question "What one thing would you pack for the instant ice age?" with: "A newly purchased weapon to protect my family and cans of gasoline."

It's not entirely clear to me whether this survivalist meant that (s)he would purchase a side arm to protect the family AND the gasoline a la Mad Max, or that (s)he would purchase said weapon to protect the family and would also bring along cans of gasoline, but it's a great answer in both cases!

First and foremost, it recognizes that times of extreme changes are fraught with instability and danger. 9-1-1 won't be taking our calls; we'll need to protect ourselves, and we will have a deep, primordal instinct to protect our progeny.

And, this brilliant answer captures our truest auto-pilot reality: we are so dependent upon fossil fuel that, even in the face of its most dire consequence, we still won't be able to live without it! We are way, way, way past addiction, baby! We simply cannot imagine life without gasoline.

What do we need for surivial? Air, water and fuel.

Some of us, of course, also need a few dozen bolts of Gortex.